Many of us go day by day, doing day-to-day task to
survive. We do what
we have to do, to survive this demanding life we all "live". I say
"live"
loosely, and my personal opinion out of context. I'm going to restate
the statement, but how I would say it. We do what we have to
do, to survive this demanding life we all exist. I say "exist" because I
don't feel as if going day by day, doing day-to-day task is living.
When I wake up, the first thing I do, is start the never ending "To-Do
List" I create every night before I go to sleep. While my pretty little
head should be resting, I am too busy over analyzing this so
called life I think I'm "living". I pick apart conversations with
people, I come up with better words I think I should have express. I beat
myself up for the words I think I shouldn't have said. I plan the next
day, I map out my bills for the next two months. Soon, I find my self
almost having a panic attack thinking about the future. Having "Night
Terrors" of me never amounting to anything, being the person everyone
projected me to be. After wondering what I was possibly made to
do, I discovered that I am undiscovered. You may read that and be a
little confused, some people call it lost. However, I don't feel as if I
am lost, I feel that I don't fully know myself... Who is Marie? Many
people
have never met their soul, and many may never meet their soul. That
statement sounds incorrectly bold doesn't it? Well, for those who know
me, this comes as no surprise. For those who have not had the
opportunity, hello I am Marie. Right now, you may be asking yourself the
same question I ask myself many nights "Who is Marie?"
Hopefully, I
have you hooked, because my goal is to buckle you in, and take you on
the ride of your life, to my world. I want you to come along and explore
my soul. I want to introduce you to my good, my bad, and my ugly. You
might disagree with every single word I write, but it just might inspire
you. It might inspire you to start a meet-up group every Tuesday and
Thursday, where everyone brings a potluck dish. And while I bring you
guys together, you tear my words apart, cruelly and relentlessly. On the
other hand, it might inspire you to discover, and exploit yourself. You
might want to break out of your comfort zone, and discover that there is
more to life than what we all exist in. I remember the moment when I
finally had clarity, a huge crisp breath of fresh air... The very moment
when I realized the life I was "living" did not hold water. An epiphany
that is still the most beautiful disaster of my life. I have burnt
bridges,
beautiful flames that have lit a brighter path. I trust the wrong souls,
that are paving a more concrete foundation. I am in a constant battle
with
myself, sometimes I feel it is more than a battle... I am in a never
ending war! Although there are many moments, I would give anything to go
back and relive, with the knowledge and experience I have now. However,
I wouldn't have a testimony. I wouldn't have those long, life changing
cries to share with you. The cries, I would run home and jump in the
shower for, where no one could interrupt. None of my opinions have to
matter to you, I am aware that I don't have all the answers. I am also
aware that I am not an award winning author. I am merely, a young girl,
this is not a
"How-to". I want this to be me entertaining you with my beautiful
tragedies.
Ladies and Gentlemen, hold on to your butts, because this is
going to be a bumpy ride....
