Have you ever tossed and turned all night, haunted by your own meandering thoughts? You try to sleep, but your mind will not let you, and the whole time you're just wondering how to turn the friggin' thing off? You're too exhausted to tap into your inner self, so you just wait for your stubborn mind to finally back off and rest. Have you ever felt like a second person to yourself? What I mean by that is we are complex. People talk about themselves in second person all the time, they express themselves as being beside themselves. In my opinion: I have my mind that thinks, I have my heart/soul that feels, and I have my body that acts. Sometimes, I act logically with my brain, and sometimes my emotions get the best of me, and I act out with feeling. Out-of-body experiences are a perfect example of us being two. There are different beliefs on the matter, but the underlying theme is that it is where our soul, spirit detaches itself away from our physical body. It is said to happen during dreams, near death experiences, medication, sex, and unforgettable moments. Are we really "Outside of ourselves" or is it one of those rare, overwhemlimg moments where our mind body and spirit are in sync?
Lately, it seems as if this is a ritual in my life... The other night, I finally threw my hands in the air and gave up. I drew a warm bath, and prepared some relaxation tea, I was going to put this stubborn thing to rest. As I lay in the tub drinking tea, my head had never felt so clear. I was "beside my self" because I felt pure relaxation. I lay in the tub for about an hour, because I have not felt that relaxed in forever. I couldn't help but enjoy it, I would give anything to feel that way every minute of my life, I felt human. I know that sounds weird "I felt human", but for once, in a long time, I didn't feel like the machine I have become. The machine that is working to pay bills. The Machine that is programed to wake up at 7:00AM every morning, almost like a coffee maker. I am tired, I am a kind of tired that sleep just cannot fix. I am tired of working a 70 hour week, only to make cut throat decisions such as: spending my last $10.00 on a couple of gallons of gas for my car "Lance", or roman noodles and tampons for my period "Pandora". At times, I feel stifled, when I was laying in the tub sipping my tea, in that moment it was refreshing to be able to take a deep breath. It was almost as if me taking a deep breath and submerging myself in the water, was me pressing a reset button. In a way, it was as if I woke myself up, and it made me question if I had lost touch with humanity. I am beyond bored with my whole existence revolving around money, and working to exist. And I know you guys have to be bored with the same old post over and over. I wrote about this in my introductory entry... This is not the way I want to "live". What can I do? I have enslaved myself to paying bills, I am stuck with my responsibilities. Do I start a Pay-Pal account, and link it to my Facebook, and ask you guys a couple of times a month to donate and support my lifestyle? (I will let it marinate on you for a second....) All jokes aside, I am scared of where I am going, I don't want to just get by and fade away. I want more out of life then a "9-5", I believe there is more to life than this assembly line I am on.
I catch myself obsessing over worldly possessions. It is crazy to me to see four people sitting at a table, and not one of them are talking, they are all scrolling through Facebook, double clicking pictures on Instagram, answering back text. I find myself doing it more and more: refreshing Facebook to see if there is anything new that people posted or checking in every where I go to some what "brag" about what I am doing, snapping a picture of what I am doing so I can #Hashtag about it on Instagram, talking shit about shows on Twitter. Why do we care so much now-a-days about being relevant? We are so caught up with capturing a moment, that we forget to live the moment. I can't remember the last time I left my phone off to while I work out, or left my phone on silent in my purse while I am spending quality time with someone. I don't even talk on the phone anymore. I use to love talking on the phone when I was first getting to know a guy, I could hear him flirt, and his laugh, and getting lost in a conversation together. Now, I text a s simple conversation with someone, and send emoticons to indicate my flirty tone. It is ridiculous how much we allow technology to enslave us. (I say that as I try and get you to read my virtual blog;before you snicker... Trust me, I see the irony)
I catch myself obsessing over worldly possessions. It is crazy to me to see four people sitting at a table, and not one of them are talking, they are all scrolling through Facebook, double clicking pictures on Instagram, answering back text. I find myself doing it more and more: refreshing Facebook to see if there is anything new that people posted or checking in every where I go to some what "brag" about what I am doing, snapping a picture of what I am doing so I can #Hashtag about it on Instagram, talking shit about shows on Twitter. Why do we care so much now-a-days about being relevant? We are so caught up with capturing a moment, that we forget to live the moment. I can't remember the last time I left my phone off to while I work out, or left my phone on silent in my purse while I am spending quality time with someone. I don't even talk on the phone anymore. I use to love talking on the phone when I was first getting to know a guy, I could hear him flirt, and his laugh, and getting lost in a conversation together. Now, I text a s simple conversation with someone, and send emoticons to indicate my flirty tone. It is ridiculous how much we allow technology to enslave us. (I say that as I try and get you to read my virtual blog;before you snicker... Trust me, I see the irony)
This year I set resolutions to get me away from the worldly objects. I wanted to reconnect with my family, and cherish more time with them. Creating unforgettable moments with friends, family and loved ones. A couple of friends and I have made a pact that we are going to go out one day a week and try something new. I cannot afford to travel at this juncture in my life, but I am not going to let that effect my ability to interact with my city, and the beautiful people who live in it. On top of trying a new place every week, I made a vow to my little dog Stormie, that we would go try out as many different parks the city has to offer. It have not been doing all of these thing religiously, but I have been enjoying them when I do get to do them. It is absolutely true what they say "The best things in life are free". I could never top the joy and laughter I have with my Fun Loving Family. You know those deep gut laughs, and your laughing because you're happy...I don't even understand half the jokes my family and I say, it is just a vibe we have. I thrive on the unforgettable conversations I have with my deliciously Seasoned Pals! They are the Caribbean Jerk to my life, teaching me so much about life, and they are the most warm hearted people I have ever met. They are the biggest breath of fresh air, their confidence and positivity are infectious! I live for buck wild nights with my Young,Thundering Heard, they keep me young, we struggle with the same problems, we are a bunch of beautiful messes just trying to figure it all out.
My older audience may be reading this and laughing, or rolling their eyes, and that is okay... You have been here once too, it may be something we all go through periodically. I don't feel as if I am ever writing about anything "new", I know there are other people who have been, and are currently going through everything I am experiencing. I just love the art of perspectives, I love experiencing other peoples perspectives. I want to share my perspective on my experience, and I love the feed back I get on other peoples perspective, it provides a whole new out look on life.
At the end of my last post I challenged you to celebrate yourself. (I hope you all did) This week, let's put our phones down during a conversation and actually listen the person in front of us talking. This week, let's go out to eat and enjoy the moment with friends or family. This week, call someone and ask them to meet up instead of texting meaningless emoticons all day.This week go outside and enjoy nature! This week, go against your routine, and have a little fun!
At the end of my last post I challenged you to celebrate yourself. (I hope you all did) This week, let's put our phones down during a conversation and actually listen the person in front of us talking. This week, let's go out to eat and enjoy the moment with friends or family. This week, call someone and ask them to meet up instead of texting meaningless emoticons all day.This week go outside and enjoy nature! This week, go against your routine, and have a little fun!
LIVE DAMMIT!
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